i don't like sucking hair
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
