I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
