Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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