I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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