You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Randomize
