You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
