if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize