I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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