I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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