JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
