I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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