i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
