Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
All the doctor said was why
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
