yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Less talking, more tequila
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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