Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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