I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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