Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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