Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
