I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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