In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize