The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
well most of my day revolves around power hour
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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