there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
