I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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