Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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