I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
