Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
