if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
