I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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