I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
