he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
