No stitches, just platelets and will power
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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