Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
