I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
