if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
