Porn is love you can see.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
