My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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