His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
