Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
