FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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