I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he fucked my hip out of place.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize