turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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