yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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