I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize