I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
