saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Is it penis luge time yet?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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