They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
