roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
