I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
