I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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