My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
