used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
