a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
