Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
