So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
