She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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