if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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