dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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