I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
