Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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