i think my tv is drunk
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I smell like Dick and happiness
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
