ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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