You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Green mimosas i think yes
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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