I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
